it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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