just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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