I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
