Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize