you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
