I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
