Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
