i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
