You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
