She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
