party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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