Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I will be naked everywhere
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
