i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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