I wannas sexs uuuuu
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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