maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
