I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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