i just wanna soil my oats bro
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
