rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
