I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can I color on your dick again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
