At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
