and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
