Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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