great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
