Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
