it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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