go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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