oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can I color on your dick again?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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