Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
