i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
