Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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