I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
