Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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