It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
