no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
