I just saw a hot homeless man
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
