i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
