dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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