Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
