saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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