help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
