checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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