Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
