sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
