I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
