I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
