i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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