my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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