roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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