he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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