You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
