Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
