you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dick very happy bro
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
