do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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