i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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