I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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