I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
