That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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