Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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