Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
