my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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