I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
