so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
