All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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