Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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