Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
