i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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