I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
