It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize