didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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