what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
