Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
