I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
