Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
