All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
