there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
