I seem to have left my pride at pride
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize