I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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