you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize