alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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