After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
