WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
