I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
