She announced her abortion via fbk
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
