Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
