I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Say something about gay babies.
I look better un-naked...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have fence marks all over my body
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
