that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
