Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
