Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
