No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
