Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
