Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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