Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
