I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
