I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish i was in the wii world.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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