oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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