i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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