Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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